New article on totem popularity

February 13, 2008 at 10:43 pm (animal totems, general, totemism) (, , , )

Can be found here:

http://www.wildspeak.com/vilturj/totems/totempopularity.html

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Tolere Hrum

February 1, 2008 at 9:14 pm (animism, gods, journeying, local worship) (, , , , , , , )

So for the past week I’ve been checking The West for its weather predictions and I see ‘thunderstorms expected,’ over and over again. The last time this happened though, no thunder, no storms, no Hrum.

So today… I think to myself ‘you’d better not be fucking teasing me this time.’

And I have just come in from pouring a libation and making a more formal takcza to Hrum. I can’t even hear him, but I can see the zrzak (dragons which… are basically lightning) dancing with each other on the horizon, and feel the winds of Vavale lifting my hair away from my face, that I usually hide from the world. Forcing the hair back and saying ‘face him with pride.’

And so I did. The libation was a lemon, lime and bitters that I’d been saving for myself for some time. I don’t drink alcohol, and this is the closest I get to a ’special treat.’ Hrum got a great deal of it, and I’m savouring the rest now.

But oh, the love I feel. It’s so different from the more terrifying Vavale. I knew then that he was there, the tecze zrzak were there, the skymaidens having flown up from their resting places in the lakes and rivers were there, Vasilia and L’yuvotn’r were there.

And beneath the land the great writhing of a primordial serpent. The ubidjidup rising from the hot, humid night lands to reach their fingers up to the sky. The panicked fluttering of the giant moth gulunar. The endless spiral upwards and then downwards again. The eucalyptus breathing in and out. The paperbark bending of its own gnarled weight but still sending its feathery soft flowers into the sky.

Today has been a difficult day, for so many reasons, but standing and witnessing a god whom I love pound the skies has made it all worthwhile.

He gifted me with some of his energy. And in exchange he took some of mine. I haven’t been called to work closely with Hrum yet (it’s more like a celebrity crush, sometimes, to the amusement of others), but I feel as time passes I will be called to understand the secrets of Hrum and through him, the secrets of Oooshala, my waterhorse perevrjni.

In other news I have been journeying more intensively lately. It always seems that this path of mine progresses in a series of leaps, rather than on a gentle incline. The latest leap is being called to work actively again in soul extraction, as well as retrieval.

Soul extraction gives me the heebie jeebies. I’ve had a handful of experiences, but some have been horrifying. None of this cute visualisation crap where you ‘imagine removing the bad energy and then sealing up the soul.’ Granted, you do get those sorts of extractions, which are relatively low fuss… but they’re not all like that.

The good news is that Vavale for whatever reason thinks that I’m capable.

Her tests are difficult, I knew that when she claimed me, and I know it still today. But so far… so good. And with Hrum to escort me along this path with his primordial exuberance, and the ubidjidup to turn a blind eye to our petty human lives, I feel both humbled and blessed.

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The way of the Summer

December 27, 2007 at 9:07 am (UPG, animism, local worship, shamanism) (, , , , , , , , , )

I survived the heat yesterday.

This a time of year where it’s almost impossible to recharge your energy in Perth, because the land holds onto it with all its might, and will even try and suck it back from you in the form of sweats, salts and invisible vampiric negotiations that end up with all parties drained.

Everything dies, is dying, or is struggling to live. Even the native plants, not all of them thrive in levels of heat this high, especially with the ground water tables being depleted like they have been.

The spirits in our local bushland do not come to life during the Summer. No, most of them hibernate, like animals elsewhere might during Winter. The greater, reptilian gods and spirits come to life, certainly, but the others go back into the ground and rocks and wait for cooler times. Sleeping through the worst of the heat. Reaching energy tendrils out over the coast to caress the rain clouds and remember the kiss of it on their sandy flesh.

When a thunderstorm rocks close by, we all awaken, and we reach up and out and suck that energy down into our bodies and forms. The consequences of that is that sometimes too much comes down and obliterates a tree, or person, or landscape with lightning. But the sacrifices are worth it. The energy is needed. This time, is also a storm time, when we wait impatiently and sleepily for weather events that present charged energy; because there is so little in the drying, dying land.

We live and die every year. We grow our leaves and branches, and then drop and shed them as the Summer comes each year. Sometimes one of us might drop too many leaves and branches, and the heat does us in. We can’t all withstand a bushfire. We can’t all withstand a Summer’s scathing breath. But we are stuck in this cycle and so we are a part of it. We dance with it, more slowly than usual, with sleepy eyes, burning in the heat.

On the air if you raise your nose in the middle of the day, you can smell the young eucalyptus leaves burning, even as the air is hot with the chlorophyll of the older ones. And if you walk the land, you can smell the firey decay of flesh, the participation of maggots dancing over the bodies of young birds that dehydrated too soon.

As our energy lays dormant, we watch, with tired eyes, those spirits that do okay during this weather. The great ‘mythological’ serpents that rise and slither over the landscape, leaving a feeling of hunger and wisdom in their wake. The greater beings that hug the granite outcrops, rise up and out, reaching hundreds of arms into the sky and the ground, pulling minerals to themselves, protecting their physical bodies. And of course, the ubidjidup who discovered me when I was a child, racing across the landscape in their night time incarnations of black spirit-bodies and gaping black eyes, who delighted in the thrill of the run through night skies.

The ubidjidup (these do not come from a specific ‘culture’ to my knowledge, and are rather something I have experienced through childhood… and who, belatedly, I learnt others experienced too) seem to be specific to certain landscapes, and they are greatly inhibited by roads and civilisation. They can jump roads if needed, but the greater the civilisation, the smaller they are, as though the pockets of bushland remaining are just not enough to sustain them.

I feel them in Koondoola, small and restricted but still there. They race and run and delight, and during the day they sink like tears back into the sand and wait again for another night where they can run for the sheer joy of running. Racing the winds, caring not at all for people or even other animals. They are union with the night sky and the stars, they are the joy of the wind (hot or cold) in your hair and whistling in your ears.

They have let me run and race with them. And sometimes I am transported from my dreams, to the Koondoola landscape, to run with them. There is a fierceness about them of the kind which makes you grateful that they have no interest in people. Not enough sentience to care for revenging that which has taken their size and land away.

And now I feel the moisture on my skin, the humidity that comes with cloud cover and no storms. My spirit reaches up with the spirits of the land to pull at available energy.

But we – together – are aware that it is simply the drying and dying time. Some of us will make it, and some of us will not.

Those of us who do will live to see the jewel beetles again, we will walk with the conostylis and the menzies banksia, and we will celebrate with the calls of the pied butcherbird and the gentler, knowing spirit of the blackpaws (brush wallaby).

In the meantime our spirits will sleep, and wait.

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Feral Goat as Totem

December 24, 2007 at 1:31 pm (animal totems, totemism) (, , , , , , )

Feral Goat

Further information on Goat as totem can be found here at my website .

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Fear

December 21, 2007 at 9:43 am (journeying, underworld) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , )

I work a lot with the emotion fear, since it is – at this stage in my life – my core emotion, the one that informs most of my life decisions (often mistakenly) and the emotion that also governs a great deal of my personal thought processes and such. It’s not the healthiest way to be, and I know this, and I’m working on it. In the meantime I work on ways to manipulate fear to my advantage.

The majority of my shamanic ‘work’ is done in the underworld, usually in a few core locations. The first and perhaps the most significant for me is the dead forest. It’s a place that I’ve heard of some others encountering before too. A place where the ground is dead, the trees are skeletal, the animals are skeletons, dead, or dying, and there is a sense of preternatural stillness. This place stays with me once I leave it, and I can’t rid myself of the feel of the humid air clinging to me, or the actual smell of dessicated decay out of my nose. And I don’t actually mind this either, because it constantly reminds me to ruminate over what I’ve experienced. After all, I don’t go to this place to find the soul fragments of others, I go to explore the voids within myself.

There are certain gods I tend to be visited by in this forest. Not Ucza, as I have come to expect (since she is the governing power, I believe, behind this place). Instead there is the wiry, fear-mongering, Zirczekaja. And there is the trickster and ‘don’t-trust-him-even-though-he-looks-great’ Lesavny.

Zirczekaja is a god that helps people to confront their fears, perhaps because he is so fearful, and very much so because you know that he would stop at nothing to get the message across. Some Vilturj gods – or my experiences of them -  are quite unforgiving. You either pass the test, or you’re a bit of a write off. I suppose it depends on the deity or the spirits though. There are Vilturj deities like Vasilia who can be very forgiving, and others like Zirczekaja who… I wouldn’t recommend anyone evoke/invoke just for the hell of it.

But the local spirits are like this too. Koondoola has some forgiving spirits (which I’m going to have to give names one of these days, because a lot of my research has yielded nothing), but local bushland and the land in general also have the kind of spirits that are blood-thirsty, feed off fear, or just simply want nothing to do with us and don’t care about ‘people.’ They don’t need us, they will exist without us, and trying to petition them for contact or understanding can be met with a whole lot of being thrown out of your journey.

I’m rambling.

The point is that fear is something that governs a great deal of my life, including my spiritual one. Yes, I may be a tad more confident in the otherworlds than in this world, but I have also been caught fleeing from a predator in the otherworlds, and yes, my strength has failed me before too. I may have reasons for this, but it doesn’t stop it from being a completely humiliating fact. Lol.

I have a journey, or series of journeys coming up… where I am to voluntarily confront Zirczekaja. And I must admit I’ve been putting it off. And he’s been letting me, aside from sometimes haunting my dreams and my real life. I know that I just need to grit my teeth and commit to it, and yet again I find that fear holds me back. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how many demons you’ve negotiated with in the otherworlds, it doesn’t matter how many perevrnji (spirit helpers) you have, it doesn’t matter how many successful soul retrievals or extractions you’ve done.

None of that matters, when it comes to battling your own inner demons.

I sometimes just want to escape it all. To work elsewhere. To not constantly find myself in this dead forest, with the tasks I have. Shamanism is not an easy path, or if it is, I’m doing it wrong. ;) But in all seriousness, you ever get that feeling where you just want to go ‘okay, so… no, I’m not doing this. Too scary. Sorry!’

I will do it anyway. Raven’s instincts are to fly away from danger, but the fishing cat knows better, it can sense that in the murky pond, are some nourishing fish, and its willing to leap in feet first to find out just where they are.

I am learning, slowly, to trust my feline side. I am so used to bird-jumpiness, fear and being anxious. But now it is time to actually look in the other direction and trust in that other part of me which instinctively knows how to make the big jump. Which knows that I actually need and crave touch in order to survive. That I need to hunt in the dark and murky places in order to find nourishment. That sometimes the places that seem to feature the most death (like swamps, and the dead forest) are actually the places that are teeming with the most life.

Thylacoleo also helps. He has a workman-like manner about him. A sort of, ‘I will do this because I have to, and how I feel doesn’t matter.’ This is what I have with many aspects of my own existence, except with a series of recent events where I find myself – claws out and wings spread to escape -  just absolutely dying to get away.

But that’s the whole point isn’t it? My health is shot to pieces. I am literally in some ways, dying to get away.

It is my responsibility to take hold of my fear, and also of the illness, in order to see what it really wants to communicate to me. I have taken long enough. Sometimes it’s just a matter of accepting where you want to go, instead of fighting against the method of journeying.

Zirczekaja knows what he’s on about, but I expect that I might have some interesting journeys to talk about soon!

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Feral Rabbit as Totem

December 19, 2007 at 1:33 pm (animal totems) (, , , , , )

Rabbit Totem

Further information on Rabbit as totem (with emphasis on the feral rabbit of Australia) can be found here at my website.

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Thoughts on Working with Extinct Animals

December 19, 2007 at 7:37 am (UPG, animal totems) (, , , , , , , , )

I work with Thylacoleo. I couldn’t tell you exactly what species I work with, and nor could I tell you exactly what the Thylacoleo I work with would look like in real life. They’ve been extinct for a good 30,000 years after all.

Some people bemoan the fact that they work with, or are, or have a totem that is extinct. It’s understandable really. You can’t just go and literally observe the animal. You can’t necessarily verify anything in your head as fact, unless there isn’t some obscure (or less obscure) scientific paper speculating about it first. And mostly it throws up the whole issue of trusting yourself.

It’s healthy to have a skepticism bone, and to exercise it. But sometimes we use it to trap ourselves from finding new knowledge. After all, we can’t ‘prove’ our UPG experiences in the Otherworlds, but what we can prove is the growth and transformation that can potentially occur because of them, if we choose to believe. Love is not something you can lay down on paper. If scientists knew exactly what chemicals caused love and why, they’d generate it for the terminally lonely. But we choose to believe in love firstly because of a commonality of experience (other people experience and believe in it, which gives us ‘permission’ to do the same), and secondly because we can actually experience it ourselves and it can lead to growth and transformation (and of course pain, bitterness and cynicism depending on where you want to take it).

Call me a fool – I don’t mind – but UPG and journeying is the same to me. There is firstly a commonality of experience, shamanists worldwide share surprisingly similarities of experience and purpose, in amongst their differences. And secondly there is my own experience of it, that has lead to growth and transformation.

For this reason I choose to believe in the way Thylacoleo has shown himself to me. I choose to believe that when I invited Thylacoleo into my body to experience his animal energy, my experiences were valid. I do certainly believe that those experiences were heavily biased, because I am a human, because my human brain likes to rush to make assumptions, and because we always like to have ways to explain things to ourselves. I also had my skeptical bone, so I dissected the experience too, chose to research Thylacoleo further, and also to look at where my assumptions might be letting me down and preventing me from further wisdom.

The one thing I did not do, was bemoan the fact that Thylacoleo was extinct in the first place. I’ve seen it happen, online and in person, where people complain how they can never truly ‘know’ if their totem / animal-ness / guide / spirit helper is that species, or if they’re seeing it right or correctly.

I think: Why does it matter?

At some point, there are gaps in scientific research that cannot give you the answers you need. And even people who work with ‘real’ animals that they can observe are let down by the research. At some point, you simply have to accept that you cannot know, and either choose to let go of the whole situation because your skepticism prevents acceptance of the unknown; or choose to take the situation into your hands anyway and see what positive forms of growth you can get out of it.

I choose to believe in many things I cannot see or prove beyond my experience, because one of the things that is a priority in my life is not scientific ‘fact’ (which I respect, though I am not scientist and I’ll be the first to admit it), but personal growth and transformation. Which means that if there is no science available to help me out, no list of species, illustrations and even skeletons to choose from with Thylacoleo to have some point of focus, I will have to do the hard work and find a point of focus within myself.

Choosing to trust in my own UPG experiences has, and continues to be rewarding. Yes, I have let myself down. I have had the odd experience which is almost completely informed by the ego and not designed to be rewarding to the spirit at all! Hasn’t everyone? Heh. But the wealth of my experiences shows me that this path I’m on is a healthy one.

Thylacoleo, my perevrnji, my spirit helper, shows himself to me however he wants. It may not be factually accurate, but it doesn’t stop him from teaching me strength, courage and perseverance.

I choose to believe.

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Wildspeak… what the hell is this anyway?

December 18, 2007 at 9:42 am (general) (, , , )

My path originally started out as something quite traditional, I have ‘roots’, a heritage, and all of that.

A long time ago now I recognised that my path in shamanism / animism would have to spin away from that heritage and go on its own way. Russian shamanism in Australia is a laughable concept. And the Australian spirits that I’ve encountered and included in my practices are not a part of my spiritual past and cannot be included under the mantle of ‘Russian shamanism.’ And in fact, nor can a lot of the other concepts I’ve picked up over time. Concepts including how to incorporate mental illness and use it positively in shamanism, working with animal totems and guides on different and new levels to what I was taught.

And so I tend to call what I do now; ‘Wildspeak.’ It’s simple, and it fits me as a person, and that’s all it needs to do.

So while my pantheon has roots and a heritage, what I am learning from the gods now is almost all UPG. Same goes for the animals I work with. The journeying I do and the places I visit in the Otherworlds. I’m lucky to have a good rally of perevrjni (spirit helpers) and I’m also lucky to have quite a few ‘real life’ friends who are just as eclectic and dedicated as I am.

The purpose of this blog is to house my ramblings, thoughts and philosophies on what I practice and how it’s developing as I do as a person. It will change and grow, as I change and grow. And it has developed so much already. It has become more cohesive for me, less about strands of knowledge from a country I’ve never been to, and more about actual practicable experiences, learnings and teachings.

So I guess I’m also hoping to share those learnings in the hope that they may become teachings for others. Even if it’s just a ‘what not to do’ guide. ;)

Okay okay, so I’m a fairly self-deprecating person at heart.

I just walk my path. I am extremely dedicated to what I do, but what’s not to love? I mean except for the initiation aspects, how challenging it can be, and when your spirit helpers are unhappy with you and want you to know exactly *why.*  Actually I love this too.

Time to reel it in, otherwise I’ll ramble forever.

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Altered States of Consciousness (ASCs)

December 18, 2007 at 9:24 am (journeying) (, , , )

Altered states of consciousness throw up a lot of confusion in Western society. People often asking themselves ‘what do they look like? what do the feel like? how do I get one? Okay, was *that* one? I don’t know!’ Many people that I’ve talked to who are learning shamanism often struggle with the concept of journeying, because they don’t know how to identify it, and are so used to consciousness. Worse, they may even be suspicious of it, mistrust it, or just assume that anything that isn’t consciousness must be delusion.

There are many different types of altered states of consciousness (which I’m going to refer to ASCs for convenience), and we slip in and out of them throughout our lives. Dreams are an example of an ASC that we all experience. And another that you may be familiar with is that blank state that you can enter into when life is feeling particularly hard. Ever catch yourself just staring blankly at something? Welcome to a very meditative state of consciousness! If you can learn how to employ that exact feeling during meditation and put a positive cast on it, you’ve learnt how to find a reservoir of inner peace. ;)

Likewise, for those of us who do repetitive motions like cleaning, artwork, manual labour, or anything that is basically the same thing over and over again, you may find that you eventually enter an almost trance-like state. It is ‘trance-like’, because it is a form of trance. In fact it is an excellent preliminary state for journeying.

Journeying is – to me (different shamanists have different viewpoints on this) – the act of taking such a state and then using it in order to visit other realms in the otherworlds. Trance state can also be used to help create powerful visualisations of our internal universe and inner states which can be very transformative and healing.

Even the simple act of withdrawing enough to visualise an internal walk through a ‘garden’ (that looks however you want it to look) is the act of moving away from consciousness, into an ASC.

Studies (referring here to the work done by D. Goleman into the work of the mind) into consciousness and trance are showing that there is not only one or two types of ASC. There are countless types of ASC being employed in different religions worldwide. A shaman’s state of ecstasy may be very different to a Buddhist’s cultivation of deep, inner stillness and peace. And indeed, different shaman’s experiences of ‘ecstasy’ and trance from culture to culture may be perceptions and experiences of differing ASCs.

What is important is that these different states are all aimed to bring about some form of growth, though that growth may be focused in different areas of a person’s soul or psyche. It is also how we differentiate from a spiritual ASC, and an ASC associated with mental illness – like dissociation. The mechanics of dissociation are similar to those of a shamanic trance state, the difference being that one is an involuntary coping mechanism that is often employed unhealthily; the other is a tool used voluntarily (usually, and ideally) to achieve growth and transformation.

It’s easy to get confused about ASCs, so it’s important to be gentle with yourself, and remind yourself that you already know how to achieve a few states of ASC without even really thinking about it! :) Bringing it under your conscious control is a skill that can be mastered, and then using them to journey is a further skill. But that’s all it is. There is no magic trick to it, and it is something that almost everyone can do (some take longer than others, but there’s nothing wrong with that either).

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